A drum kit made of body parts?

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Would it be possible to make a drum kit out of body parts? I mean, how hard would it actually be? I can play the drums and understand the workings of the various parts of the kit. And I’m able to build things, at school in design and technology class I would amaze the teacher at my accomplishments. And of course, I’m pretty good at dismembering bodies. Surely putting these three attributes together would be easy.

Thinking more about it, I would definitely need a good number of volunteers, probably not many willing ones, mind. Slicing through the top of a cranium and hollowing out the inside would provide me with a sound shell, and a tasty meal. Simply stretching a piece of skin across the skull would serve as a perfect drum head. I would have to find skulls of varying sizes to achieve a complement of different tones, though.

I suppose that the bass drum pedal could be fashioned from, well it would have to be a foot wouldn’t it? A ligament could serve as the chain, and the beater? A patella bone would do just dandy.

Cymbal stands? Well, limb bones surely. Screwing a few together could allow me to angle the stands for the optimum playing position. Having the cymbals suspended from finger phalanges would be a nice touch.

From various experiments I am unfortunately yet to discover a suitable material that can be harvested from humans that could act as cymbals. I may have to cheat here and employ real cymbals instead. I suppose I could always hollow out a few femurs and cut them into different sizes to construct a rack of tubular bells instead. Not ideal, but I’m trying to be creative here.

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How durable would my construct be, though? The shells and stands should last, but the ligaments and skins may start to wear away over time. My main concern would be the warping of the skins, and keeping the drums in tune. This could prove troublesome and would require constant maintenance.

Maybe after a while I would get extremely proficient in making them; I’d have orders coming in left, right and centre. Whether I’d be able to keep up with demand, I am unsure. I suppose that people could donate their bodies to me after they die, like with that German death doctor bloke, but is it any fun if the body arrives already dead? I always like putting the work in myself, plus you’d never know whether the cause of death would infringe on the bodies’ abilities to be made into a drum kit. Osteoperosis-suffering bones, for example, would probably be unable to withstand the vigour of constant bombardment, especially from a metal drummer like myself.

Commercial success in this field may prove to be problematic; I’m sure most people would frown at some madman harvesting people for his own percussive gains. At some point the police may be informed of my operation, causing an abrupt end to my art.

Oh well, it seems like this pastime is to be something personal and secretive, for only me to enjoy the fruits of, without the riches and prestige that such engineering would deservedly garner.

The more I think about it, the more motivated I am to make this happen. But should my efforts result in arrest and prosecution, there’d be no future in the business venture.

No, best keep this little manufacturing industry between me and my victims. Surely they’ll want to know what I have in store for them after they’ve gone. Being murdered knowing that they are contributing to something great and wonderful would surely give them some solace in their final moments.

I’ll just have to keep my plans to myself then, and try to remember to not post this up as a blog by mistake!

Photo credit: Joffley via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Photo credit: Adam Rummer via Visualhunt / CC BY-NC-SA

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